That Time I Started Antidepressants

The first week, I considered quitting.  Each night around 1 or 2am, my eyes would burst open - no hope of getting back to sleep for a couple hours. Then, during the day, I could FEEL my brain trying to put me to sleep. It was beyond tiredness – more akin to halfway-around-the-earth jetlag. I took a long walk on the Monon one day and simply laid down on a bench to try and nap, twice. To be fair, the doc had told me the body can take a week to adjust - I just didn't know it would be like this.  Thankfully around the time I called the doctor's office to see about adjusting my dosage, things seemed to level out, and I've been back to my normal rhythms.  As far as the depression, are the pills making any difference? I've certainly had some moments where I felt I could have been triggered into my downward state - the usual suspects of circumstance/interaction/thought pattern which would typically take me there. I seemed to stop short though - like someone was trying to push m...

Staring at this little thing in my palm over lunch at “Saladworks” (see, I’m making all kinds of new health choices). My last few moments of doubt - apprehensive about swallowing a pill designed to affect brain chemistry. I offered up a final prayer and then tossed it down the hatch chasing with unsweetened peach tea. It was done. I’ve tried other things for 20+ years. And it’s not that nothing else has “worked” - prayer, therapy, friendship, community, worship, scripture (all of this in no particular order) have each helped in their own ways. And my depression is probably less frequent and not as devastating as it used to be. I can’t be entirely sure because part of what depression does is steals your objectivity. Which is why I started to keep a Snoopy depression calendar starting January 1st of this year - marking sunny days and stormy ones - the worst storms drawn as full-on black holes. (I should note - Peanuts does not produce a “depression calendar.” I simply thought Charlie Bro...