Sleep Issues and Questionable Objectivity

The first week, I considered quitting. 

Each night around 1 or 2am, my eyes would burst open - no hope of getting back to sleep for a couple hours. Then, during the day, I could FEEL my brain trying to put me to sleep. It was beyond tiredness – more akin to halfway-around-the-earth jetlag. I took a long walk on the Monon one day and simply laid down on a bench to try and nap, twice. To be fair, the doc had told me the body can take a week to adjust - I just didn't know it would be like this. 

Thankfully around the time I called the doctor's office to see about adjusting my dosage, things seemed to level out, and I've been back to my normal rhythms. 

As far as the depression, are the pills making any difference? I've certainly had some moments where I felt I could have been triggered into my downward state - the usual suspects of circumstance/interaction/thought pattern which would typically take me there. I seemed to stop short though - like someone was trying to push me into the pool, but my shoes had been nailed to the concrete. Was I imagining this? Was I just reading into my own emotions the effects I expected from the pills? 

Objectivity is something depression causes you to lose. When it's dark, the darkness is all you can remember. It's all that has ever been. But then, when the lights come back, you look back with amazement upon your own despair. How could my vision have been so obscured? Life's not so bad - how did I lose perspective so entirely?! It almost feels like a different person. 

It's Day 13, and this morning was my worst since I started the pills. I think perhaps I swooped a whole leg into the pool before narrowly escaping...or did the pills prevent me from falling - snapping me back to dry land? 

Can they keep me out no matter what? 

Probably not, but we'll see.