3 Months Finished

I had said I would give the brain pills 3 months. Finished my 3rd bottle today. 

One of my main concerns for anti-depressants is that they would "level me out." That I would lose not only my lows, but also my highs. Who wants to lose their highs? (Now my wife might laugh at this - saying, "what highs"?) We joke that an 8 out of 10 is about as good as I ever am. So historically Mandy just counts my 8 AS a 10. I guess I get graded on my own emotional curve?! She is a teacher. 

But truly, I haven't seen any change in my "highs" in these 3 months. I'm about as happy as ever - which is good news! (I think I feared the pills might artificially keep me in some state of "unreality" - some babbling, smiling automaton infected by The Joker's numbing gas.)

And regarding my lows after these 3 months, I must say - it's working. Not to say I'm never down. I've had plenty of my normal triggers and opportunities to slide downward. In fact, the last 2 weeks have been some of the worst all year. I would still even call myself depressed, but the difference is - that debilitating fog hasn't been able to descend on me like it normally does – pressing me into such a skewed version of reality that I can't see straight. 

So for now, I continue a monthly drive to the Walgreens drive through to refill that little bottle that sits by my bathroom sink. 

I guess this is part of my life now. 

I'm ok with that. 



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